It was a simple compliment delivered spontaneously and honestly. I
never dreamed that so much would come of it. I was sitting alone with
Tessa at a table in Pete’s – an unusual situation as Tessa tended to
attract a crowd. She was a star at Pete’s, the central bar in a
semi-funky university neighborhood on the south side of Chicago. She had
grown up there and had been partying since her early teens. Everyone in
the neighborhood knew Tessa. I had said, "Tessa, you’re one of
the most interesting people I’ve ever met," when she surprised me
by straightening her back and blushing.
"Well, thanks, Frank," she said. "You’re a very
interesting person too."
I told her that my name was "Fred" and not
"Frank," and she giggled.
"You have nice ears," she said, looking coy.
"Nice ears?"
"That’s what I’ve always noticed about you."
I was surprised that she had noticed anything about me, but my
ears? "Well you have lots of nice things," I said to
her.
I had been obsessed with Tessa from the moment I had been introduced
to her. She had been standing in a leather jacket festooned with emblem
pins. She had bleached blonde hair and wore dangly earrings. As we shook
hands she didn’t speak but rather cocked her head at an imperious
angle. I was hooked.
A couple of nights later Tessa invited me to come to her place.
"I mean, if you want to," she had said, standing and
strapping her purse over her shoulder.
I raised my eyebrows and stood. "I’d love to come over,"
I said taking her arm.
At her place it was just the two of us not counting her six cats --
three strapping boys and three charming girls. They rushed out to greet
her.
Tessa went to the bathroom where she sat down on the bowl without
closing the door. I heard her tinkling. Then she came out without
flushing and gestured toward the bathroom. "Do what you have
to," she said.
When I came out I found her standing topless. I embraced her,
smiling. I kissed her and massaged a small breast. Blood poured into my
cock.
She slipped her skirt and underwear off and tugged me over to her
bed. I lay down on top of her fully clothed and the two of us began
struggling to get my shirt and pants off.
She wasn’t into any kind of foreplay. She reached down and put me
inside her. I knew from reputation that Tessa had been with a lot of men
so I felt pressured to perform. I ground hard but we were both drunk and
overall the action was rather perfunctory. She didn’t really like to
kiss while we were doing it so I ended up nibbling her shoulders.
After a while she tapped me gently and said, "That’s
enough." Neither of us finished. I made to pull out but she said,
"No," so I laid on top of her and felt her breathing until we
fell asleep.
The next morning she was in the shower when I woke. I got up and
dressed wondering what this night had meant. The cats were all very
vocal and friendly.
Tessa came out naked from the bathroom drying herself. Her brassy
hair hung limp around her face.
"You’re pretty good in the sack," she said.
I laughed. "Well, you are too."
She grinned but then became suddenly serious. "Look," she
said, "I’m sorry I can’t spend the morning with you, but I’ve
got to go to this fucking job."
"Well, I hope you have a good day."
She smiled pleasantly and said, "Thanks." She turned and I
looked at her bare behind. "Maybe I will. Who knows?" she
asked.
After she was dressed in her work clothes – and she did look
dramatically different – she grabbed her purse and led me out the
door. On the street we kissed. "You have a good day too," she
said, "whatever you do." She rushed off in the manner of a
typically harried working person.
I didn’t work. I was enrolled in a doctoral program in the
university, but running out of motivation and money. I had decided to
clear my head at the beginning of the summer by having a little fun. My
idea was to hop the local bars. Women were put off by me, so I didn’t
expect any action. My encounter with Tessa was a complete surprise.
I walked home and straight to the communal kitchen in the dorm. I
made breakfast and, while eating, told Aristio, a friend from Spain
about my night. He was just as amazed as I was. I had mentioned Tessa to
him in the past as this unapproachable ice princess.
"So what does this mean?" he asked me. "That you’ve
got a girlfriend?"
"With Tessa you never know," I said. "Honestly, she
might not speak to me again."
I saw Tessa that night and we sat, just the two of us, and had a long
talk. She casually invited me home and we slept together once again,
this time with her finishing on top of me with tears streaming. "It’s
cleansing," she said about the tears as she wiped them with the
backs of her hands.
And so suddenly I was the boyfriend of one of the hottest girls in
the local scene. Tessa presented me with a whole different persona. No
longer the distant, wounded coke-head, she was, instead, a pleasant,
talkative young woman from a family of European immigrants who had led
an interesting life in a liberal, urban setting. I learned that her
father had been a Czech academic hounded by the secret police. He had
been employed by the university, but died of cancer when Tessa was in
her teens. At the time she was very rebellious, often not coming home at
night. She would crash in people’s basements and at one point had
lived in a car with a bunch of hippies.
She lost her virginity very early and had had two abortions. For a
period of years she had dated a coke dealer who kept her as high as she
wanted to be. I began to wonder what on earth Tessa saw in a guy like
me.
And yet through all this she had gone to the university’s college
and completed a degree. This was impressive. The college had a tough
core curriculum and a standard comparable to the ivy league.
Indeed, Tessa had a biography like none I’d ever encountered.
The weeks passed and it became general knowledge that Tessa and I
were an item. I would come into Pete’s and find her holding court at a
table of biker dudes, but she would make an excuse and come sit with me.
Sometimes we sat at the bar with our arms around each other. Alternately
aloof and then romantic, I never knew for certain how to respond.
Toward the end of summer she told me that she was due to visit
relatives in Germany and asked me to take care of the cats. I had grown
to like the animals and they seemed to like me.
"Look," I said, "if I’m going to be feeding them
twice a day why don’t I just move in here while you’re gone? It
would be great for me to get out of the dorm and live in a real
apartment."
"Oh, Fred, that would be wonderful," she said. "And
the cats would love to have you around."
The next week she was due to leave on an evening flight. During the
afternoon she suggested we go to India town.
The temperature must have been ninety degrees and Tessa was wearing
practically nothing. We walked along Devon Avenue holding hands. We went
into the record and video stores and marveled at the garish pop icons.
Eventually we ate, selecting an uncrowded place in the mid afternoon. We
ate spicy food and drank red wine, said very little – just sated
ourselves in each other's company in the sunshine.
She was reluctant to leave, but I told her that her mother would have
a fit if she wasn’t ready by 5:30. She drove us home and then she laid
down on the carpet in the living room and began saying good-bye to the
cats. She grabbed each of them and embraced, nuzzled, kissed and fussed
over them. Each of them had their turn and then she sat up and took my
hand with a provocative look on her face.
"Tessa," I said. "There’s not time."
"Oh, please," she mockingly pleaded with me. So I rose and
we walked down the hall to the bedroom, stripping.
We were both sweating from the heat, the spices and the wine, and we
made urgent, sensual love to one another. The poignancy of our imminent
separation lent a desperation to our lovemaking. We finished with shouts
of animal exuberance. She was lying panting and sweating when the phone
rang. When she answered it, I could hear her mother scolding. Tessa
broke abruptly from her reverie. She told her mother sharply that she
was coming and then hung up.
As she got up from the bed she said desperately, "Oh why do I
always do this?" She rushed into the bathroom. It was the first
time that I ever heard Tessa question her own behavior. Tessa was as an
egotist. She knew she was pretty and sexy. Tessa thought that everything
she had done – no matter how problematic – was right for her because
she had followed her instincts. But on this day her instincts had
betrayed her. Her frustration surprised me.
She came out of the shower, dressed, and stood for a moment. I
figured I was in the way, so I went into the front room with the cats.
In a few minutes the phone rang again. "Don’t answer it!"
she yelled to me from the bedroom.
"We’ve really got to leave," I said, looking at my watch,
"like now."
"I know," she said in a girlish voice.
She came rushing into the front room with two bags and I picked them
both up. "I’ll take these down now."
"Oh, thank you, sweet thing," she said very affectionately
and then leaned in to peck me on the lips.
I walked down stairs. When Tessa came running out she handed me the
keys. "You drive and just drop me off."
"Okay," I said.
Her mother’s place was only a few blocks away. I drove there
quickly. Tessa opened her door and jumped out. Her mother appeared
immediately in the entrance of the town home. "Tessa!" she
called loudly.
"Oh, shut up, ma!" Tessa yelled back.
I got out to help with the bags.
"The cab will be here at any moment," her mother scolded.
I pulled the bags out and handed them to Tessa. She stood holding one
in each hand and looked into my eyes. "Ooo," she said as
though about to burst. "I think I’m falling in love with
you." Then she kissed me once smartly and turned.
I felt for all the world as though I’d stepped on the third rail
and been electrocuted through every nerve ending.
Dumbly I waved and got back into the car.
I brought my computer and books over to Tessa’s. It was a luxury to
have a private bathroom and kitchen and to have so much space and
companionship. Each morning for the next two weeks I rose and greeted
and fed the cats. I sat at the main table in the front room and read
with good comprehension.
At lunch I would break and walk to get a sandwich. After that I
walked back to the dorm to check mail and do some boring language
drills.
In the afternoon I worked a part-time job. It was pretty much
effortless. Then I would walk to Pete’s and drink and smoke. There
were inquiries about Tessa’s whereabouts, mostly from people who
wanted to buy drugs.
Then drunk and cooled off from the air conditioning, I returned to
the apartment where six plaintive voices always greeted me. I spent some
time feeding and playing with them. They would hardly let me get the six
dishes to the ground.
Tessa called once to tell me she was in Italy on a special trip. She
sounded overjoyed to speak to me. She was in a very magnanimous mood and
thanked me profusely for staying at her place. I told her that it was my
pleasure. When the conversation broke there was a pregnant pause and
finally Tessa said, "I miss you."
My heart jumped. "I miss you, too." I said.
"Bye, sweet thing," she said and hung up.
During those two weeks I really felt as though I ruled a small
kingdom. I enjoyed privacy and was productive and at ease.
Of course it had to end. After moving my stuff back to my place, I
went to a florist and bought a flower arrangement and a card. I put it
on the table at Tessa’s, set the extra set of keys on the table and
then said good-bye to the cats and closed the door.
Back at the dorm, Aristio met me on the stairs. "So your time in
paradise is ending," he commented.
"Yeah. Damn, man," I said. "It was just
blissful. My own place. And the cats with all that sensual
affection."
"Now back to your cell."
"Condemned again."
"So when does she get back?"
"This evening. I’m just going to go to work then chill at Pete’s
and wait for her."
He clapped me on the back. "Enjoy. And tell Tessa I said welcome
back."
I went to work where I copied course packets for three hours. The
time flew.
After work I walked into Pete’s and saw two of Tessa’s friends,
Don and Sherrie, from the old days.
"So she’s coming back tonight," Sherrie said. "Don
and I are going to go over and say hi. You know," and she gestured,
placing the back of one hand against a nostril and sniffing.
"Oh, I see," I said. "Well I’m going over to see her
too. I was thinking six."
Sherrie tapped Don on the arm, "That sounds fine."
I had never had much to say to the two of them. Sometimes they would
cheat on one another and follow up with public knockdown, drag-out
fights. Once when Sherrie was drunk she had asked me to drive her home
and then had come onto me in the car.
"So are you guys pretty serious?" Don asked.
"I like Tessa a lot," I said. "Frankly – I mean you
guys know her – what do you think she sees in me? I’m not like her
past boyfriends."
"Maybe she’s ready to settle down," Don offered.
"She couldn’t marry any of those other guys. Her mother would
disown her."
"Yeah," Sherrie said. "We think you’re really good
for her."
"She thinks you’re her father," Don slurred at me.
"She always wanted to make her father happy, even though she would
never admit that."
After that we just drank and smoked.
Six o’clock rolled around and we stood up. "Maybe we should
get some take-out," Sherrie said.
Don waved to the bartender and held up two fingers. "Two sixes
to go," he said. "Old Style."
The bartender handed a grocery bag over the counter and I took it.
Don paid and we walked out.
To get to Tessa’s from Pete’s on foot we had to cross a church
yard and a park. We walked along pleasantly buzzed through the grass.
When we got to Tessa’s complex Sherrie pressed the ringer and the
door buzzed open.
We clamored loudly up the stairs and could hear the stereo. Tessa’s
door was open and Zanuzi, the largest cat, was mewling. We all patted
his head.
We walked in and found Tessa walking toward the kitchen.
"Just sit down," she said, not stopping.
We went into the front room and found this guy Charles sitting at the
table. Charles was a big, macho guy with a thick moustache. He was
effortlessly cool. He was sprawled in his chair and on the table in
front of him was a plate of coke. I walked away from the group to take
the beers to the fridge and Tessa bumped into me.
"Oh, hi, sweet thing," she said quickly. "Oh, thank
God. Is that beer?" She walked past me.
I put one six in the fridge, took the other into the front room,
handing out cans.
At the table were Tessa, Charles, and Sherrie. Don was on the couch
so I sat down next to him. Tessa was loudly playing old Bowie, from the
transvestite period. I hated this stuff.
"So, yeah?" Tessa asked Charles. "That girl that he
met in the Quarterdeck?"
"That’s right," Charles said. He sat up and took the
plate in front of him. He gripped the little straw, snorted a line, and
passed the plate around. I declined.
"Well that dumb ass deserves what he gets," she said.
I sat there. I didn’t know what to make of it. What had happened to
my flowers? Why was this guy Charles here before anyone else? Where was
the reunion scene? Hadn’t she said she missed me? What was this
swapping biker gossip and getting high as a kite?
When the record ended, I got up to put on something else and Tessa
said, "Just play that one again, Frank."
I dutifully put the needle back at the beginning and then chuckled.
"You’re reverting to your old ways," I told her.
"Oh, I just love this album," she said.
"No," I said. "I mean you called me Frank again."
She held a hand to her mouth. "Oh, I’m just so tired,"
she said.
"Did you get my flowers?" I asked.
"Oh!" she said. "They were all over the floor when I
got here. Never leave the cats with flowers. They make a mess."
"Oh, damn, I’m sorry."
"That’s okay," she said, then she took the plate and did
another line. "Well, I heard that Shane got into trouble down in
Florida," she said to Charles.
"He was running with the wrong crowd down there," Charles
said.
And so the night went. We had two sixes between five people so I knew
I wasn’t going to be able to get drunk. By 10:00 my head ached. I
caught Tessa in the hall as she was returning from the bathroom.
"Hi," I said, and I took her arm.
"Hi," she said, giving me a totally wired, annoyed stare.
"Look," I said. "Welcome back. I hope you had a nice
trip. I’ll catch up with you on it some other time."
"Oh, you’re going?"
"Yes, I’m going. You enjoy yourself and maybe I’ll see you
sometime at Pete’s. Okay?"
"Oh, I’ll see you Fred," she said. "It was just a
long trip. I have to unwind."
"I understand," I opened the door and walked out.
At the dorm, Aristio was in the TV lounge. He craned his head around
and looked at me.
"What happened to the big reunion?"
"I think I wasn’t invited. She even called me by the wrong
name."
Aristio got up from the couch and came to meet me. "She
what?" he asked.
"She’s getting high with her coke friends. She hardly even
knew I was there."
He patted me once on the back. "You knew you had a crazy woman
for a girlfriend."
"Yeah. I knew that. Thanks."
I walked up stairs to my room and pulled the futon onto the floor. I
laid down fully clothed. That awful Bowie music was echoing in my head.
My blood vessels were constricted from the nicotine. I needed something,
but I couldn’t figure out what. All at once I wondered if Charles was
going to go home that night. I wasn’t sure what she would do. She was
so high.
"These people are trashy," I said to myself.
And then I registered a pain in my heart.
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