In the darkest, dampest,
foggiest, and smelliest part of the forest, there lived a tiny witch the
size of the tip of a hair. She lived comfortably in the sap of a tree.
She had experience in almost everything and enjoyed nagging her slaves
into molding her sap palace. But she was also an impressive scientist as
these slaves were her own creation painstakingly prepared from
raindrops. She gave them limbs made of ice and flower seeds, and forced
them to do her housework. She was so powerful she could rally the wind
and turn it into chariots or locomotives and spend months on vacation if
that is what pleased her.
But this tiny witch
didn't like vacations; instead she worked day and night on her spells,
each one nastier and more confusing than the one before. Everything she
needed to cast her spells she could find in the swampy, steamy forest,
except for perhaps the most important ingredient of all: normal people.
In order for her spells to work she would have to cast them on normal
people. And so after many years of practice, one day she packed up all
her pots and pans and spoons onto the wind and flew out of the forest
forever.
When she came to the
first town on her old map, she found a nice quiet place under a stream
to unpack her things and set up a workshop. Then, after dinner she made
herself as large as an overgrown baby, so all the normal people could
see her and believe she was real. After she was quite satisfied with the
way she looked she went out to the road and set up a table with cups and
spoons, and nailed a sign to a post that said: "FREE SOUP".
She did not have to wait long before a little man came to the table. He
certainly looked normal enough, and this pleased the tiny witch very
much. "Free soup, huh?", the little man said cautiously.
"Yes. Will you try
some my sweet, delicious little potato?" pitched the tiny witch
with excitement. She had never cast a spell on a normal person before
and her heart was quivering with anticipation.
"What kind of soup
is it?", the little man asked as he put on his spectacles and
peered into the pot.
"It's a special
soup, made from metal, bark and secret whispers. It is said that the
recipe was stolen from fairies in a far away land. You could make it
yourself but it wouldn't be as special as mine unless you used my
special spoons and all my special thoughts-they give it the proper
taste. Try it, I guarantee you will beg for more."
"Foo! Bark? Metal?
Whispers? What nonsense! Who would dare try such a thing? Take it from
me baby face, if you want to do a good business, try selling something
everyone likes: Confusion pies, now that is some tasty licking! Anyway
goodbye and good luck!" And the little man ran away holding his
stomach up with his knees, as was his habit.
The witch was sad but she
had learned an important lesson. Next time someone asked about the soup,
she would not say what it was made of or if forced to talk she would
lie.
Soon another little man
came to the table and asked the same kind of questions, "Free soup?
What's in it?" Well, no matter how hard the witch tried, she could
not tell a lie. "Metal, bark, and whispers," she sighed.
"Metal, bark and
whispers? Who would dare try such silliness?" And the little man
ran away with his hands in the air and his tongue around his neck, as
was the fashion of the time.
The tiny witch did not
want to go to sleep disappointed so she decided to stay after dark and
lit a candle. Soon another little man came to the table. "Free
soup? It can't be normal, what's in it?"
The witch moaned as she
slumped back in her chair. "Metal, bark and whispers."
"What! That
certainly is not normal. No normal person would ever eat that." And
the funny little man ran away so fast his chin got stuck in his mouth
and his feet were scratching his back.
The
tiny witch bit her teeth and decided to stay one more hour. Then another
little man came to her table. "Free soup, sounds good. What's in
it?" The witch didn't even look up and mumbled, "Metal, bark
and whispers." The little man fell to the ground bouncing on his
tummy, "Wow, that sounds just right and yummy. Come on woman, fill
my tummy!" The witch couldn't believe herself and, being overjoyed,
leaped out of her chair to fill up a large cup of the steaming broth.
The strange little man drank it down and demanded more right away. Soon
the whole pot was empty. The witch calculated that if her spell were
going to work the little man would start to howl and itch before
starting to drip and crystallize into a diamond. But the little man did
nothing but burp. He did not turn into a diamond at all but instead
remained his dirty old self. The witch was stunned. She had studied for
many years, how could she have made a mistake?
She slumped back into her
chair and began sulking when she remembered what one of the little men
had said earlier: "No normal person would taste this soup."
Therefore this little man wasn't normal. It was hopeless: no normal
person would ever drink soup made of metal, bark and whispers. And as
this soup needed to be drunk by a normal person, whom this dirty little
man clearly was not, the spell did not work on him. When the tiny witch
realized this she flew into a rage and dropped to the ground in a burst
of tears. The little man, for his part, could not understand why the
witch was so upset. As far as he could tell the soup was a bloated
success. In fact, he liked it so much he shyly invited her to spend the
rest of her life with him. "I can chop the wood, collect the metal
and whisper every word in the dictionary into your ears and you can make
the soup and we will never fear hunger again. We will be happy long
after we die!"
The witch could not
believe what she was hearing. She explained what her evil intentions
were but the strange little man did not seem to mind; in fact he found
her profession quite interesting and wanted to know more about it. The
tiny witch had never been loved before. She didn't even know it was
possible for a witch to be loved, but she liked the idea, so she went
home with him and they fell in love some more, so to speak.
Because the little man
sort of loved the tiny witch, he wished her to be successful in her
spell casting business, and so after he had collected a year's supply of
metal, bark and whispers, he set out to find her a normal person to cast
her spells on. He knew that he had to find someone with either a weak
will, who could easily be persuaded, or someone who was so preoccupied
that they would not notice what was in the soup. He thought that it
would be easier to find someone of the second persuasion.
He went up and down, left
and right, back and forth, and even beyond himself but every map he had
stolen turned out to be inside out!
A lot of time had managed
to slither out of the little man, when one day while trekking on a thin
road he chanced upon a little giant who liked to cut the heads off of
happy people. The little man thought that this was normal enough and
greeted the little giant by saying, "I am a sad person, would you
like to come to my house and have some soup? That would make me happy,
then you can cut off my head, then you'd be happy which would make my
wife happy and once you've cut her head off, we'd all be happy. Would
you like that?"
The little giant chuckled
and thought it a splendid idea. On the way to the little man's house,
the little giant boasted about his many adventures with his two
brothers, and how all three had beheaded many happy people in many fine
places where the sun was always warm and welcome. The little man loved
tales so this pleased him, but he didn't let on so much for fear of
losing his head.
After several bad storms
they arrived at the little man's house. Unfortunately, though, he had
quite forgotten about the piece of sharp metal he had been storing over
the front door. And because the door was smaller than the little giant,
the sharp piece of metal cut the giant's head clean away as he entered.
The tiny witch was very upset by this because she had been waiting
forever for her little man to return with a normal person.
"We'll never find a
normal person! I'll never get to try my spells. We might as well
die!" The little man was disturbed to hear his lovely wife talk
like that and even more so to see her so distraught and desperate. She
was biting her teeth and they were bleeding!
"Just wait my dear!
The little giant said that he had two large brothers just like himself.
I will go and find them and bring them here so you can test your spells.
All you must do is wait." The witch's loving little husband spoke
so fast that she hardly understood a word he said. But she waited. The
tiny witch had never studied waiting but as she loved her husband she
believed he would do as he said, and so with renewed hope she pulled out
a book and started to study how to wait quietly.
The little man set out on
the road again, looking for one or both of the little giant's brothers.
It did not take long, as their whole family came from a long line of
braggers. Moreover they were known and feared over the entire land and
sea. The little man soon found one of them on a platform boasting of the
deeds of his two brothers and himself, as he did not know one of them
had quit life. The little man politely walked up to the little giant and
greeted him by saying, "I am a sad person, would you like to come
to my house and have some soup? That would make me happy, then you can
cut my head off, then you'd be happy which would make my wife happy and
once you've cut her head off, then we'd all be happy. Would you like
that?" The large man agreed and went with the little man, drooling
and sharpening his blade the whole way. But when they arrived, the
little man again forgot to warn the large man about the sharp metal that
was above the doorway and as quick as it takes to die, the little giant
lost his head when he entered.
Now the tiny witch was in
tears. "That's it, that's it, that's it!" she screamed.
"Let's just kill ourselves. We are failures!"
"Now, now dear,
don't speak like that. Have faith. We’ll find a normal person for you
to cast your spells on. Please have patience." And he set off
straight away to find the third little giant.
By lunchtime the little
man had found him. He was cutting people's heads off at a wedding.
"Uhmm, excuse me sir," the little man said to the drooling
hairy little giant, "but I am a sad person, would you like to come
to my house and have some soup? That would make me happy, then you can
cut my head off, then you'd be happy which would make my wife happy and
once you've cut her head off, we'd all be happy. Would you like
that?"
"Yes, how kind of
you," the little giant with the bloodied axe cooed, "But first
let me finish here, these people are so happy that they are losing their
heads!" The little giant laughed like thunder. The loving little
man waited patiently by the sea and counted the waves till dusk.
After several storms they
finally caught sight of the little man's house. But damn forgetfulness!
The little man, overwhelmed with his foolishness, again forgot to warn
the third brother about the sharp metal over the front doorway. Never
lowering his head for anything, the third giant had it promptly removed
as he entered the little man's house. Fortunately for the little man,
his wife was not home at the time- she was out collecting bad air for
one of her spells. Quickly the little man took the three bodies and the
three heads out to the road to be later picked up by the garbage men,
then he raced back inside, and tried to think up a good story because he
did not want his wife to kill herself. Just as he was thinking up the
climax to his tale there was a knock on the door. The little man was
surprised to see a tiny man with a little beard standing on his
doorstep. "What do you want," the little man asked the little
stranger.
"Umm... do you live
here sir?"
"Yes, what do you
want?"
The tiny man with the
little beard looked not only nervous but a little scared, "Did you,
sir, kill those three large men who cut the heads off of happy
people?"
"Yes but I didn't
mean to, I-" he started.
But before the little man
could finish hundreds of tiny people crawled out of the woods and
bushes, jumping and singing for joy. They were all so happy to be able
to be happy without worrying about losing their heads. They called the
little man a hero, a king and an angel, and they demanded to have feasts
and festivals in his name. It was quite overwhelming but luckily the
little man's wife returned from the forest and wanted to know why all
those people were dancing inside and outside and under and over her
house. It was then the little man had an idea. He told his wife to start
cooking her famous metal, bark and whispers soup. None of the
townspeople would refuse, he thought, no matter what they were being
served. And he was right. Not one of the little townspeople wished to
upset their hero so they all sat down at the table and ate the soup.
Before long they were all howling and itching and then dripping and
crystallizing into diamonds. More remarkable than this, though, was the
tiny witch. The little man was astounded to see that his wife, too,
started to howl and itch and drip and crystallize not into a diamond,
but into a normal person. She was no longer a witch. Within an
instant she was a mighty, muscular princess, the height of three
husbands.
"What is this?"
he exclaimed.
"I was under a
terrible spell for many years," she said, "and the only way to
break the spell was to turn normal people into diamonds."
The little man was amazed
and loved the witch even more than before.
"But what I don't
understand is who put you under such a dreadful spell?" he asked
over a steaming broth of metal, bark and whispers soup later that night
after they had finished counting the diamonds.
"I can't say, for if
I do I will be cursed all over again and the only way to break the curse
a second time would be to kidnap three angels and a fairy and turn them
into their opposites."
"Better to leave
well enough alone then." He was happy in any case. To celebrate, he
built a table for her and on it they ate tons of metal, bark and
whispers soup because with a little salt and pepper it was really quite
tasty. The diamonds became famous for their opulence and pricelessness
and everyone lived long, rich and happy lives with no fear of the three
little giants ever taking their heads again.
But nothing lasts
forever, just long enough to forget about.
Troy Morash comes from
Canada but has lived and traveled all over the world. He has lived in
California, Romania and Russia (the Far East) and is now living in
Odessa, Ukraine where he teaches English. He has published stories in
journals and magazines including Fables and Short Stories
Magazine. You may visit his home
site or reach him by email.
Magazine