As my husband Roger watched yet another baseball game,
I began running my fingers through his dark brown hair. I leaned towards
him and whispered, "I got a part."
"That's great, Babe!" he said, still staring at the screen. "That
part you wanted, the maid or something?"
"Actually," I added in mock British accents. "I have
the lead in Graceton Community Theater's latest production, a British
mystery."
He finally looked at me. "I'm surprised you'll still sit on the
couch with me."
"Oh, I'll always support the 'little' people behind the scenes," I
said, teasing him.
"Well, thank you, Sweetheart."
"But seriously, Roger," I said, rising and moving to our
little galley kitchen. "I can't believe after all this time working
backstage that they'd finally give me a part." I continued as
I unloaded the dishwasher. "I'm excited but nervous, you know?"
A sudden shout came from the couch. "Homerun! Did you see that,
honey? Man, that Sammy can hit!"
He hadn't heard me. The commercial must have been over. Lately our
marriage seemed crammed between innings or quarters. I frowned and
turned back to the dishwasher. I would tell him about the stage kiss
later, if he cared to listen.
A week later, all the actors and the director sat on a bare stage
in the old barn theater for our first "read through" of the
script. Although I'd spent many hours there, my eyes still blinked
at the bright stage lights, and I rubbed my sweaty palms down my jeans.
"Okay, actors," said our director Gloria, a tall, slender
woman of unknown age and dramatic flair. "We must do our best
at every rehearsal. Even the read through should be full of vibrancy
and life. Put your souls into it. I beg of you." She clutched
at her heart as she spoke.
We plowed through the first act with Gloria often interrupting and
making changes. Finally, she threw up her hands. "I must have
some tea and time to think about this," she declared. "Take
a break everybody."
In the lobby Jim, my leading man, and his beautiful wife, Susan, came
up to me as I sipped hot coffee and nibbled on a cookie. "Have
we met other than at the auditions?" Jim asked. His deep, rich
voice was perfect for the romantic lead, a part he'd played in many
productions.
"Oh, you've probably seen me painting scenery or changing it,
but this is the first time I've acted."
"Well, you read very well, uh, what did you say your name was?"
"Carol."
"That's right, Carol."
"And don't worry about our dear director," Susan added,
lowering her voice. "She overacts if you haven't noticed. She's
hardly ever as angry, or as pleased, as she seems."
I laughed. "Well, I guess we better start back," I said,
noticing the others heading for the stage.
"Yes, we're coming to the first of the big romantic scenes." Jim
grinned. He must have noticed the look on my face as he quickly added. "Oh,
don't worry about that. I've helped many a newcomer through it. It
might even be fun."
I glanced at Susan, wondering how she felt about Jim kissing other
women. She smiled at Jim lovingly. "As long as you don't have
too much fun," she quipped. "Besides, I'm stage manager for
this production, don't forget."
Back on stage, I became more nervous as the time for the first kiss
came nearer. I had never kissed a man except my husband since I'd been
married. I looked up at Jim, his arm casually dropped over Susan's
shoulders as they whispered to one another. If only Roger were here,
like Susan was for Jim, I thought. But Roger had "things to do." He
couldn't be with me.
When we arrived at the first romantic scene, Gloria stopped us. "All
right, Actors. I know this may seem a little unusual to some of you,
but I say, get through with all those nasty, embarrassing moments right
at the first. Get rid of the awkwardness and get on with the show." She
rose as she spoke and came over to me. Grabbing my hands, she pulled
me out of my seat and led me to the center of the stage.
Then she barked, "Jim, you come here and stand with Carol." Jim
obeyed. "Okay, Actors, kiss!"
Jim took me in his arms. "Wait a minute," I said squirming
to loosen his embrace. "I didn't realize we'd be...well... you
know...that we'd be..."
"Kissing?" intoned Gloria.
"Well, yes."
"What did you think you would do during these romantic, passionate
moments? Shake hands?"
"Well, no, I just thought we'd be doing it, you know, later."
Gloria rapped her script with the back of her hand. "Like I always
say..."
Jim interrupted. "You just have to throw yourself into the part."
"That's right!" Gloria agreed, giving Jim a sideways glance. "However,
I do believe I can finish my own sentences, young man."
"Sorry," said Jim. Then leaning down, he whispered, "It's
just a stage kiss, Carol. It'll be all right."
I looked up at him and trusted him. "Okay," I said, "Let's
do it."
Gloria read our lead in lines and Jim took me into his arms, lowered
his head, touched my lips softly and gently.
Everyone sighed, "Ah!" Then they broke out with laughter
and applause.
"Now, see, Carol," said Gloria, "That wasn't so bad,
was it?" Turning to the other actors, she clapped her hands, saying
curtly, "Get serious, people, we've got work to do."
The next few weeks passed in a whirlwind of costume fitting, make-up
designing, blocking, memorizing lines and learning the art of acting.
I was having fun, just as Jim predicted, the most fun I'd ever had
in my life without Roger. I wondered how he felt about the late night
rehearsals three nights a week or the warmed over casseroles for dinner,
but he never said a word.
I had finally even worked up the courage to tell him about the kissing,
thinking he might disapprove, but he merely raised an eyebrow and said, "Oh
really!"
Finally, opening night arrived. After dressing, I tiptoed behind the
wings of the set, and peeked through the curtains, scanning the audience,
looking for the one face I knew I wouldn't see. I had left a complimentary
ticket on the dresser at home, but Roger said he had a softball game
that night and didn't want to "let down the guys."
A hand on my shoulder startled me. It was Jim. Over the weeks I'd
watched Jim with his wife. They seemed so happy working together on
the play, a shared interest, that's what they had, what I wished Roger
and I had.
"Big crowd already?" he asked.
"Bigger than I expected."
"But you're ready," he said.
"Ready as I'll ever be." I shoved all thoughts of Roger
out of my head and smiled brilliantly for Jim.
"Atta girl," he said, leading me to the stage.
The first act went fairly well after we got over the jitters and a
few fumbled lines. Having decided to "throw myself into the part" just
as Gloria wanted, all my inhibitions had flown to the wind, and I was
even looking forward to the first stage kiss in front of a full audience.
Before the curtain rose for the second act, Jim winked at me and gave
the thumbs up sign. I smiled and tried to get into character, determined
to give the performance of a lifetime. The curtain rose and suddenly
I wasn't myself anymore. I was instead a young woman again, in love
for the first time. Jim wasn't Jim anymore either. He was Roger, the
way he had been ten years ago when he couldn't wait to touch me, to
kiss me, to love me. And when Jim kissed me, I felt electric.
All too soon the magic ended, the audience applauded and the curtain
closed. I was standing in the reception line greeting the patrons when
I saw Roger standing behind the crowd. My heart leapt at the sight
of him. He smiled sheepishly and weakly waved his hand. "Wait
for me back stage, " I yelled. He nodded and moved toward the
stage.
As soon as the crowd lessened, I left the reception line. Gloria reached
out a bejeweled hand and stopped me before I could reach the backstage
door. "Carol, you can't leave right now." Her tone sounded
ominous. "There are still members of the audience here, you know."
"I know, Gloria, but my husband's here. He's waiting for me backstage."
She released my arm. "Oh." Her eyebrows rose. "That
nice looking man I saw going by here?" She smiled suddenly. "Yes,
go see him. Perhaps we can get him to work for us now, eh?" She
patted my shoulder. "He's on the stage, dear."
I nodded and fled up the stairs, tripping on my period dress. I stopped
abruptly at the wings of the stage. Roger was looking up at the lights.
I stepped onto the stage, and he turned to me. "Hi," he said.
"Hi. I didn't expect you to be here. I thought you had a softball
game."
"I just made that up. I wanted to surprise you."
I walked up to him and slipped my arm through his. "Well, you
did." I smiled up at him. "I'm so glad you were here."
"Yeah, well, I should've been here before. I think I could've
helped out. You know, I worked with lighting when I was in high school?"
"No, I didn't know that."
"I did." He pointed to the ceiling. "These lights here
needed adjusting. There was a shadow on your face one time."
"So you liked the show?"
He smiled. "Well, let's say I liked seeing you up there. You
were beautiful, honey, but...." He hesitated.
"But what?"
"It's just that...Well, you did tell me you were going to kiss
that guy, but...I mean...I didn't realize the kiss would..."
"Roger," I said trying not to laugh, "Are you jealous?"
"Well, you acted like you enjoyed it so much!"
"'Acted' is the operative word." We were quiet a moment
before I said, "You know, for a while I didn't know if I could
kiss somebody else, convincingly."
"Trust me," he said. "You got over it."
"You know how? I asked, feeling that old longing rising within
me.
"How?"
"By imagining that he was you."
Then, he kissed me, so sweetly, so tenderly that there was no doubt.
This was more than just a stage kiss. This was the real thing.
